the two most agony inducing sounds in the world...

Are your voice and moonlight sonata. Everytime I hear one I think of the other. I miss you everyday and everyday you slip further and further from my grasp while at the same time you remain right under my nose. When I see your company truck on the road my heart skips a beat and my face loses all color. But it's never you. It always some old man. someone who means nothing to me. I hear bits and pieces about your life. I piece together what I can and the rest is speculation. I'm distracted in everything I do, I can't stand where I am. I can't leave, and you won't go.

JUST SO YOU KNOW...

I am well aware that this has become less of a useful source of someone's real life experiences and more of a neurotic girls forum to vent about personal, useless bullshit. Sorry. If you want substance look elsewhere...

If I can't find the words to make you stay, how will I find the words to let him go?

I find myself in a new old land. I want something I can't have, and have something I don't want anymore. What's a girl to do?

The plan for now is to wait patiently. Like a good friend once said, "don't worry, when its right, you'll find your middle". For now I can only be content knowing its not the end but not yet a new beginning. I have to take what I can get until I get the balls to make the change for myself.

Its part laziness, part complacency part fear that keeps me lingering. I secretly look forward to my time spent alone, its when I have my best thoughts and feel the best about my decisions. Maybe more alone time is what I need....