Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Is this real life yet?

When i started this blog not so very long ago, I was required to start it as a requirement for my last class in order to graduate. Well, that class is over and here I find myself, a real college grad, with a "real" job and still no idea how to be a real person. I always thought of any hardship I came across as a stepping stone to someting better. Now I have a good position in life; I love my job as Prop Master, I have amazing friends, and my current situation is arguably near perfect. So my do I feel like shit constantly? Like at any moment I could burst out crying or vomit? What is so wrong with my hunky dorey existance that I never feel full or content? I know what it is, but I cannot say it out loud. I can't whisper it in the wind, I can't talk about it even to my most trusted. I have to just carry on, letting people think I'm happy and content and pleased with the choices I've made and the road I find myself walking. When in reality I want to get in my car and drive till I run out of gas, I want to go where no one knows my name and has never heard of me or anyone I've ever met. I want to be rid of all these feelings and thoughts. I want to be someone else. I want to have all the things that make me happy. Not just some of them.

Never assume that when you finally get everything you want something new won't present itself that makes you start wanting all over again.