Is this real life yet?

When i started this blog not so very long ago, I was required to start it as a requirement for my last class in order to graduate. Well, that class is over and here I find myself, a real college grad, with a "real" job and still no idea how to be a real person. I always thought of any hardship I came across as a stepping stone to someting better. Now I have a good position in life; I love my job as Prop Master, I have amazing friends, and my current situation is arguably near perfect. So my do I feel like shit constantly? Like at any moment I could burst out crying or vomit? What is so wrong with my hunky dorey existance that I never feel full or content? I know what it is, but I cannot say it out loud. I can't whisper it in the wind, I can't talk about it even to my most trusted. I have to just carry on, letting people think I'm happy and content and pleased with the choices I've made and the road I find myself walking. When in reality I want to get in my car and drive till I run out of gas, I want to go where no one knows my name and has never heard of me or anyone I've ever met. I want to be rid of all these feelings and thoughts. I want to be someone else. I want to have all the things that make me happy. Not just some of them.

Never assume that when you finally get everything you want something new won't present itself that makes you start wanting all over again.

4 more Shows, 2 more Box Office Days, 2 Strikes and then...?

Yes, as the headline reads, that is my life. After Sunday I have 2 weeks of reading plays and prepairing for my new job as Props Manager at my new fave theater. I am scared and excited. I had a formal meeting with the artistic and producing directors, they told me things they liked about my work so far and things they would like to see me improve upon, they gave me a job description, we all shook hands and that was it. And now I keep having dreams where I can't live up to my title, or I never go to grad school, or they plain renig and take the job away from me. When I'm awake I suddenly have mini panic attacks when I start thinking about what I really agreed to do. I know I am capable and ready for anything they can throw at me but the words "this isn't college anymore" keep ringing in my ears. I have no one to fall back on now, I am the one who must have all the answers, I have to know how to make it work. I miss Dan and DK suddenly sooo much! ha ha ha Nonetheless, I am determined to keep my chin up and do the damned thing. It can't be that hard right? I've started reading scripts and thinking about the future so thats a good thing, my first show doesn't even open until April so I've got plenty of time to prepare, I JUST HAVE TO STAY ON TOP OF THINGS!!! Time Management has never been my strong suit but now it's a priority. I cannot fall behind, ideally i don't even want to be on time! I want to be early! I have so many plans for how I can make things run smoother, easier, faster, now if I can just stick to the plan!!! I have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but if I keep from procrastinating, keep learning and prepare I WILL CONQUER!!!!

The Glorious final chapter to my responses to DK's Forum class...

Allison Morrow: as in any degree and career choice: make sure you know what you’re doing and you love it. Theatre doesn’t have a place for people who aren’t sure about it. Find something you are sure about because there are thousands of people trying to get the same theatre job you’re not sure about and they’d give their left arm and their first born for it.

Shae Burnette: I’ll take that drink any time… however, as a Chico State Alumni I do not advocate the taking of drinks from students… not that kind of drink anyway…

Ruth Williams: you seem like a narcissist and a pessimist. I did not by any means expect flowers and rainbows and awesome jobs with great salaries. I want those things but quite honestly, I was expecting to be waiting tables somewhere, not even doing theatre just so I could pay off my school loans. I am Extremely lucky to be where I am. And everyone gets discouraged, especially me, so you might not want to keep reading my blog if you only want stories about bunnies and happy job experiences.

More responses to Dr Katie's Forum class Part Dos...

Whitney Thayne: There are no set hours. End of story. I do have a 10am clock in time for the box office, and I work in there until things slow down in the afternoon, usually between 4 and 6. When I got off work at the box office I would go to work finishing props or set dressing for my current show. Now that the show is running, I fix anything that needs mending props-wise after I work in the box office. There have been a few graveyards and some very early mornings. I have call for the show 2 hours before go time. We run the show weds-sun. I basically have Mondays and some mornings off. When the Props Manager job goes into effect next season it will be much more 9 to 5, I’ll work five days a week and some nights and weekends when my show is in tech. All in all it’s not that bad. It’s really no different than going to school full time, working part time and doing a show. In fact, I think its less- no term papers lol. Also, I could earn equity points if I was doing stage management or acting here, but because I am doing props I can’t, Equity’s only for SMs and actors. In fact, the girl who used to be the Asst Props Mistress here is now our Equity Company Stage Manager. This is a great theatre to lie low at and get what you want anyways.

Jennifer Kortier: Some things I miss about college: the teachers, more specifically my theatre teachers. They are so understanding and helpful. Take advantage of the fact that you can essentially go to their office and ask for help or clarity about anything. I have to email Dr Katie now instead of just stalking her at her office. Take advantage of the student discounts you get. Buy adobe programs and computers and anything that will help you in the long run because it costs a lot without that discount. Take advantage of the friends you could be and hopefully are making in college. Go to parties, just don’t get wasted and/ or make bad decisions. Have fun and know your limits. Be a college kid now so you can be a college graduate later. Yes, I work a lot, but it is soooooooooo worth it. Like the saying goes, “work hard, play hard”.

Murphy Mayer: first of all, I love your name, second, I think my Chico education is doing me quite well. Certainly, I didn’t learn everything I needed, nor did I expect to. But I got a great foundation, in fact, in the shop, I’ve brought up ways we did it at Chico and it turned out the TD (Technical Director) used my suggestion because it worked better anyways! I think that Chico is a great place to start your higher learning, but like you said, you never stop learning, and I myself hope to someday get an MFA in Technical Design and a Doctorate in Theatre History, I hope to some day be a college professor. I hope I never stop learning!!!

Dominique O’Neal: please see my response to Murphy Mayer above as to how Chico has prepared me and to what my final goal is. Also, how could I expect to get every little detail from my professors? They did a great job of preparing me for the big picture but I have to figure out the small stuff on my own. However, one of the best bits of encouragement I ever got at Chico State was from Sandy Barton in the Costume Shop. She told me “listen kid, if you don’t know what you’re doing it’s our fault. You’re the student and we’re the teachers, if you don’t know how to handle it, we clearly didn’t teach you and that’s our bad.” It was great encouragement from an unexpected person and it’s true. If you don’t know something ask Dan or Dr. Katie or Bill or whoever your teacher is, that’s what they’re there for. I don’t how I feel about a year off. I didn’t take a year off because, frankly, I couldn’t afford it. I think that’s one of those choices you have to make for yourself. If I took a year off I’d get very lazy and even fatter very fast ha ha ha. And then I would go crazy without the constant frenzy of theatre in my life.

Erin Duffey: you said you have “a lot of specific plans after college that will lead me to having a solid first year out until I go back to get my masters degree.” Make sure those specific plans are flexible. I was going to graduate from Chico State and go straight to graduate school but fate had other plans for me. I’d say have goals but have realistic backup plans too.

My responses to Dr Katie's Forum class Part Uno...

The next few blogs are responses to the darling kiddies and apparent older folks hangin with DK in Forum:

By the way, slightly unnerving to see that you all actually read my rantings…

These are my best shots at answers to your questions, some are just me replying to your posts and some are just more rants. I hope you take the time to read more than just my response to you, there’s some good stuff in my replies to others as well I think…

If I missed your question or you have more, reply to this and I will respond ASAP

Thanks for reading guys, I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it for the most part!

Hugo Fowler: You should minor in whatever you find interesting. I didn’t get a minor but if I did it would have been in History, probably American History but really I just love History in general. Find something you love and pursue it and then find some thing else you love to fall back on ha ha ha

Veronica Hodur: I think the reason they stuck me in the box office is simply because they had an opening there and (fortunately for me) they want to keep me at their theatre. At the time they offered me the box office job, they were also considering me for the Prop Manager position. I think they wanted to keep me around and see what else I’m capable of before they made a decision. And I thank them everyday (in my head) for keeping me on and giving me a paycheck.

Rebecca Doyle: YES. Internships are important, I know you didn’t ask me, but from my very short experience I’d say not only are they a great resume builder but they are also a great place to learn even more about your chosen career.

Madison Kisst: I got this internship and the one I gave up in AZ the same way: by randomly emailing my resume to any theatre I heard that had paid internships. I started by looking at theatres I knew, then looking at theatres teachers suggested, then by simply looking. For a techie even road houses are an option. I even saw postings for stagehands at the San Francisco Ballet. It’s a wide world of opportunities for techies, you just have to look. I was fortunate to have a nice amount of Scene Shop work from Chico State and that helped, but they also had me work in the Costume Shop during my internship and I had never even touched a sewing machine before. I think the fact that I had a good foundation in tech stuff and I appeared to really want the job and to do the work was the deciding factor on how I got the internship. And once I got here I proved myself worthy by doing any task they threw at me. I’m afraid I don’t know much about the acting side other than what I hear from college friends and new actor friends here at my theatre. I will say these kids are all doing it, and seem to love it. Right now for White Christmas we have about 25-28 in the cast and they are from all over: New York, San Francisco, Florida, So Cal, you name it. Heck, I’ve even seen some of my fellow Chico alumni’s headshots on the casting table hereJ.

Alyson Nagel: I would recommend this job to others. I know it might seem like otherwise, but I love my job. I love that I get to work in a theatre every day. Its true, shop work and builds and props and crew is really my bread and butter but if working in this box office for a while lets me also do the things I love, then its all worth it. And honestly, the ladies who work in the box office with me love it. It’s totally their style. They wouldn’t last 5 minutes in a scene shop ;-)

a lot can happen in 2 weeks

So, last time I posted I had just joined the Box Office crew and was wondering where my life was leading... Now I have a standing offer to be the NEW PROPERTIES MANAGER here at my beloved theatre. Our christmas show, and the last that I will design props for this season has opened and is doing beautifully. Oh... except I am now backstage crew for it as well!!! Which actually makes me happy. I LOVE running crew. I love a headset, I love watching a show from the wings, I love wearing black and performing ninja-like crew duties in the dark behind curtains so as to fully surprise the audience with a brand new set for a new scene. I admit, 13 years I've been doing this now and I still get all tingly with excitement when the overture starts. The cast is great for the most part... seeing as its Halloween but we're stuck in White Christmas land, there's been a few trips to haunted houses in recent days and plenty of costume parties this weekend. A good friend of mine recently said "You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs, then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.” Its true for me too. I feel like ever since I fell out of my college nest and had to start trying to fly in the "real world" I feel this wild sense of danger and excitement: will I able able to pay all my bills this month? Will I even have a job next month? Will I get the job I so desparately want? I'm balancing dangerously on two feet instead of four and you know what? I need to stop worrying about silly things and enjoy the amazing life that is unfolding in front of me. Yes, I have a lot to worry about, a lot to learn still, and a lot of debt. But I also get to wake up every morning and do what I've always wanted to do in a theatre I've always wanted to work for and hang with some of the greatest people on planet Earth. I know I complain and get angry and paranoid but...

BOTTOM LINE: I have a great life. I have my health. I get to do what I've always wanted. nuff said.

Keep your chin up Kid. No matter how bad it seems, it does get better. you just have to wait...

There is no "YOU GUYS!!!"

So, I have begun working in a third dept at the ol compound- BOX OFFICE. My first job was a secretary for my parents construction company and I've held various positions in the food industry so I figured I had this job in the bag; I answer some phones, take ticket reservations and basically act friendly to the Blue Hairs.
Well, its harder than that.
Blue Hairs are stupid. I'm sorry, I know that I'm speaking ill of my elders but its true, they don't understand half the things I try to explain to them and I have a very small amount of patience. I honestly believe that as I get older, I also get less classy, less sophisticated, less...ladylike? I LOVE working in the Scene Shop, I'm working with guys who don't care if I make off color comments or don't sit up straight. In the Box Office I am a face of the theatre. People see me, talk to me, ask me questions. I have to be pretty and charming and smart. Basically, the Box Office girls are the Geishas of the admin department. They do a ton of rediculous tasks and all the while are expected to grin and bear it. I am rude, I am crude and I don't like explaining the same thing seven hundred times. Oh, and did I mention I use waaaaaaaaayyyyyy too much vernacular or colloquialisms or whatever they're called? Yes, it is true. I say "yeah" and "um" too much. I get scolded everytime I say "you guys" I think I am basically good at this new task and I get the technical side of things, now I just have to talk the talk and walk the walk.
LESSON LEARNED: DO NOT EVER ASSUME YOU SPEAK PROPERLY!!! Also, never assume a job is easy.